Children in Weddings: Etiquette Guide for Ring Bearers and Flower Girls

Having the little ones in your family as ring bearers or flower girls at your wedding adds an unmatched touch of tenderness and charm. Their innocent smiles and nervous little steps toward the altar are moments everyone will remember fondly. However, for their participation to be a success and not a source of stress, it's essential to prepare them well.

We understand that the idea of coordinating children can seem overwhelming, but don't worry. With a little planning and the right advice, your little attendants will shine on your big day. This guide is designed to give you peace of mind and help you handle every detail, from choosing their outfits to managing an unexpected tantrum.

Here we'll explain what their roles are, how to prepare them for the ceremony, what to do if something doesn't go as planned, and most importantly, how to make the experience fun and memorable for them too. Let's create a magical moment together!

What is the role of ring bearers and flower girls?

Ring bearers and flower girls aren't just adorable extras; they have specific responsibilities that contribute to the ambiance and flow of the ceremony. Understanding their roles will help you guide them better.

The ring bearer's role
Traditionally, the ring bearer is a young boy close to the couple, like a nephew, cousin, or godson. His main task is to walk down the aisle just before the bride. He often carries the wedding rings on a pillow, though for safety, it's common for the rings he carries to be replicas while the real ones are kept by the best man. He can also carry a sign with a sweet message like "Here comes the bride." During the ceremony, he's expected to sit quietly with his parents or stand near the altar.

The flower girl's role
The flower girl is usually a young girl from the family circle or close friends. Her function is to precede the bride down the aisle, scattering flower petals from a basket. This gesture symbolizes a happy and fertile path for the couple. Like the ring bearer, once she reaches the altar, she should sit silently or stand in her assigned place.

Both children's behavior is key. Their presence adds a touch of innocence, but it's important they understand that during the ceremony, they should act calmly and respectfully. Appropriate behavior ensures they don't distract attention from the central moment: the couple's union.

Etiquette for ring bearers: little gentlemen

To help your ring bearer feel confident and behave like a little gentleman, here are some simple guidelines you can share with him and his parents.

• Walking to the altar: Practice walking slowly and in a straight line. You can put tape on the floor during rehearsals to give him a visual guide. Encourage him to smile and look forward.
• During the ceremony: Explain that he'll need to stay still and quiet. It's a good idea for one of his parents to sit in the front row, near where he'll be, to give him security. If he's very young, he can sit with them after walking down the aisle.
• Delivering the rings: If he'll carry the rings (or replicas), teach him how to hold the pillow with both hands and how to hand it to the best man or officiant carefully.
• Interaction with guests: Encourage him to be friendly if a guest speaks to him, but without getting distracted from his role. At the reception, he can relax and be a kid, but remind him to be respectful with adults.

Etiquette for flower girls: little princesses

Flower girls add a dose of sweetness to the wedding party. With these guidelines, she'll feel like a princess fulfilling a very special mission.

• The petal path: Show her how to scatter petals gently and evenly, not all at once. You can have her practice with paper confetti at home so she gets familiar with the motion.
• Responsibilities during the ceremony: If the bride has a long train, sometimes older flower girls help arrange it when she reaches the altar. Talk to her about this task if necessary. The main thing is that once her walk is over, she knows where to sit or stand.
• Behavior at the reception: Like the ring bearer, at the party she can play and have fun. Encourage her to participate in dancing if she feels comfortable. It's an opportunity for her to feel part of the celebration.

The importance of appropriate attire

Choosing clothes for ring bearers and flower girls is one of the most fun parts, but you need to consider both aesthetics and comfort.

• Comfort comes first: An uncomfortable child is an unhappy child. Choose soft fabrics that don't itch and shoes that don't hurt. Make sure shoes are slightly worn before the big day to avoid blisters.
• Matching wedding style: Outfits should complement the wedding's color palette and overall style. For flower girls, dresses are usually light colors like white or ivory, or a color matching the bridesmaids. For ring bearers, a small suit, tuxedo, or outfit with suspenders are popular options.
• Consider the climate: If the wedding is outdoors in summer, opt for light fabrics like linen or cotton. If it's in winter, make sure they have a jacket, bolero, or cape to stay warm.

Preparation and rehearsals: the key to success

Preparation is fundamental for children to feel confident and know what to do. Don't underestimate the power of a good rehearsal.

• Explain their role simply: Use language they can understand. Tell them they're "special helpers" for the couple and their job is very important.
• Attend ceremony rehearsal: It's crucial for children to participate in the general rehearsal at the wedding venue. This allows them to familiarize themselves with the space, the aisle, and where they'll sit. They can practice their entrance several times until they feel comfortable.
• Keep motivation up: Make rehearsals fun. Praise their efforts and don't focus on mistakes. You can promise them a small reward, like a candy or sticker, after each successful practice.

How to handle difficult situations calmly

Let's be realistic: children are unpredictable. They can have a bad day, feel shy, or simply refuse to cooperate at the last minute. Being prepared for these contingencies will save you a lot of stress.

• Tantrums and tears: If a child starts crying or has a tantrum, it's best for one of their parents to intervene discreetly and remove them from the situation until they calm down. Don't force their participation; sometimes it's just not their day.
• Stage fright: It's very common for a child to feel overwhelmed by all the eyes on them and refuse to walk down the aisle. Have a plan B. One of their parents can walk with them, or they can enter hand-in-hand with a bridesmaid.
• Restlessness during ceremony: To prevent them from getting nervous, make sure they've eaten something and used the bathroom before the ceremony starts. You can give them a small coloring book or quiet toy to entertain themselves while sitting.

Patience and understanding are your best allies. Remember they're children, and their wellbeing is more important than a perfect entrance.

The fundamental role of parents

Parents of ring bearers and flower girls are your best collaborators. Their involvement is essential to ensure children behave well and enjoy the experience.

• Clear communication: Talk to parents from the start. Explain clearly what the expectations, schedules, and responsibilities are. Make sure they understand the commitment involved.
• Responsibility during the event: Ask parents to be in charge of their children throughout the event. They should be prepared to intervene if their child needs the bathroom, is hungry, or starts misbehaving. Having them sit near the aisle is an excellent strategy.
• Prepare an "emergency bag": Suggest they bring a small bag with snacks, water, wet wipes, and a quiet toy. This can save the day on more than one occasion.

Respecting cultural traditions

Children's roles in weddings can vary greatly by culture. It's nice to know and respect these differences, especially at multicultural weddings.

For example, in some Asian cultures, children may participate in tea ceremonies, delivering cups to elders. At Irish weddings, it's traditional for the flower girl to wear a crown of wildflowers. If your wedding involves different traditions, integrate them in a way that honors both families. Research and talk with your relatives to ensure everyone feels included and respected.

Let's make it fun for them!

Finally, the best way to ensure children behave well is to make the experience fun for them.

• Create a kids' corner: At the reception, you can prepare a special table for them with coloring books, games, and crafts. You can even hire a caregiver to entertain them.
• Small rewards: A small thank-you gift at the end of the night, like a toy or book, will make them feel valued for their great work.
• Let them be kids: Once the formal part of the ceremony is over, encourage them to run, play, and enjoy the party. A happy child is the best memory you can have.

Your guide to a perfect children's wedding party

Incorporating ring bearers and flower girls into your wedding is a decision that will fill your day with unforgettable moments. The key to everything going well is good preparation, fluid communication with parents, and above all, a flexible and understanding attitude.

Remember that small details, like a fun rehearsal or comfortable outfit, make a big difference. And if something doesn't go exactly as planned, smile. Those little imperfections are often what become the most endearing anecdotes of your big day.

For more tips on planning your perfect ceremony, check our guide on Catholic wedding readings and discover other meaningful wedding traditions.